


May my tears water this garden

by Leaf



Category: Mai-HiME
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-04-23 15:34:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4882234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leaf/pseuds/Leaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuation of my story Fragments of happiness. Our former HiME have build up normal lives but when something happens they have to fight again and face old demons again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Natsuki_

* * *

Dinner was a tedious affair. Yuuichi sat next to Mai, talking big about work and his colleague Tanaka joined in whenever he was not trying to engage me into a conversation. A fruitless effort on his part for I was not up to humor him and his and Yuuichi's pompous way of speaking.

Mai sat opposite to me, she flashed me a grin, clearly thinking the same thing as I did: The little boys are boasting about how big they are.

If I had not known Tate had this set up for me, maybe I had really found it funny to listen to them. Men never seemed to grow up, they only grew larger. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I did not like them much - their 'Ha I'm bigger than you' – 'No, I'm bigger' bragging mentality was just exhausting.

Only Yuto seemed positively rapt in his fathers words, yet I wondered how much a four year old child already understood. But there was something undeniably cute about how he looked at his father with beaming eyes.

Mai announced she was going to fetch the dessert, I breathed a sigh of relief for dinner soon to be over. Had I known that this evening was going to be a set-up, I would have refused Mai's invitation, but as she had assured me in a whisper at the door, she hadn't known either that Tate had planned on bringing his colleague along. And even though I was being as dismissive as I could be without being outright rude to his face it wasn't working.  
And Tate in his foolishness was not about to give up yet.  
"I'll help you, darling" he announced and followed her to the kitchen, leaving me alone with Yuto and Tanaka, on purpose I was sure. Tanaka didn't need to be asked twice, he seized the opportunity his friend had given him, rather obviously as I thought, to once again try to talk to me.

"So Kuga-san, what are you doing for a living? Are you an office lady?"

My head wipped around to face him fully so fast he actually jerked back a little. Did I really look like an office lady to him? I couldn't believe this guy! Apparently in his world all women were either housewives or secretaries to men like himself and Tate.

"Actually I repair bikes and cars in a garage," I informed him coldly, but before I really get started with not holding back for reasons of politeness anymore, Yuto reached out for my glass, still full, and in one swift move pulled it towards him before it slipped his grip, spilling water over himself, the table and the floor. More than happy about the interruption I tried to dry the little guy off with a napkin.

"Mai!" I called in the direction of the kitchen "I need a kitchen roll or a cloth, Yuto knocked a glass over."

"Coming!" and the next moment she was next to me with big roll of tissues. "Here Natsuki, would you please wipe the floor? I'll go change Yuto into something dry. Or maybe put him to bed, " Mai said, when he gave a yawn as she picked her son up.

Left alone with Tanaka once more, I bent down to mop up the water when I noticed the strange expression Tanaka was regarding me with. "What?" I asked.

"Uhm.. you seem quite familiar with each other, have you known Tate-san's wife for a long time?"

"Yeah, we've been friends since high school," and you would know that, you idiot, I thought, because I'm sure Tate told you so, but I kept from adding that, thinking how Mai had begged me to be civil. But seriously, why was he uncomfortable with me and Mai being on a first name basis? The more time I spent with him the less I liked him. Not that I had wanted to be introduced to him in the first place. In a weird way I found it heartwarming how Mai and Yuuichi were still looking out for me and I really enjoyed being invited into their home form time to time, share dinner with them, or even occasionally look after little Yuto. And even though it was nice, that they were also concerned about my love life ever since Shizuru dissapeared, I wished they would stop trying to set me up with somebody. None ever had me interested or invested as Shizuru had.

How could Tate think someone boring and spineless like Tanaka would match me?

"Kuga-san, about - " I had to give him that, he was persistent if nothing else, but before he could continue I rose, now wet cloth in hand and excused myself not to the kitchen but the bathroom.

"Oba-chan" Yuto cheered when I slipped through the door and I patted his head before I washed the cloth in the sink. "Thanks for getting me out there little buddy," I told him. Yuto cocked his head, clearly not understanding what I meant. He was distracted from asking about it when his mother pulled his pyjamas over his head.  
"That bad?" Mai asked. "You have no idea. He seriously asked me whether I was an office lady."

Mai snorted. It was comforting that she couldn't picture me doing copies and fetching coffee either.  
"I'm sorry Natsuki, Yuuichi only told me to cook more, but he didn't mention he'd bring the guy along. He was probably thinking he'd be doing you both a favour."

"It's okay," I assured Mai once again. I knew it wasn't her fault, that I had to sit through this delicious but highly uncomfortable dinner.

"But seriously, please stop trying to set me up with somebody, guy or girl – it's just not going to work."  
"Fine," Mai relented, brushing Yuto's hair now. She had done so a couple of times in the past and I knew it most likely would not last this time around either. After Shizuru had disappeared out of my life and I had gotten out of the hole this had thrown my state of mind into Mai had made numerous efforts to get me to date again. She'd taken me to mixers of her college pals, she had introduced me to several girls but I never felt more than a sorry for them when I was meeting with them. As we grew older the forced dates grew less frequent but still every so often, Mai and now also Yuuichi would think they had found somebody just perfect for me.

"Don't you ever get lonely Natsuki?" she asked. I shrugged. Of course it was lonely sometimes, but I had some friends now that I knew I could trust and Mai especially felt almost like a sister. It was more family than I ever really had growing up, so it was fine. Not perfect but fine.

"Nobody ever made me want to be with them they way she did," was all I said.

I hugged Yuto goodnight, who happily threw his scrawny arms around me. "See you soon little guy," and turning back to Mai again, "I guess I'll skip dessert this time, otherwise Tanaka will put his foot in his mouth and I would make sure he chocked on it."

Mai laughed and hugged me goodbye tightly. "Drive safely."

Coming out of the bathroom I marched straight past the dining room, grabbing my helmet and jacket and slipping out before Yuuichi or Tanaka noticed. For all I knew Tate had poured them sake by now and they were congratulatiing themselves again on being such successflu businessmen. I didn't begrugde Tate his job, he was seemingly good at whaterver it was and he did his best to be a good father and husband. But he was still the slightly clueless buffon from highschool deep down and I well, I still was a bit of a loner.  
But it was okay that way, I thought as my bike ran along the coastline, smoothly gliding through the curves back to my apartment in town. It was a good life all of us lead now.


	2. Chapter 2

_Mai_

* * *

„Mama, I want play outside!" My little boy whined. He was sitting on the floor amidst his three plush toys, a set of little racing cars and what looked like the ruins of his Lego fire station and none of them was keeping his attention. I sighed, put down the basket of dirty laundry I was going to wash and squatted down next to Yuto. Trying to stroke his head, something normally calming him was met by avoidance. "I know you like it outside, but it's rainy seasons, you can't go outside today."

For all that he was a very obedient child, today he was just a stubborn four-year old. "I want outside! I want to build a sandcastle!" For emphasis he drummed with his feet on the floor.  
"Come here," taking him into my arms I carried him over to the windowsill and sat him down. "Look how much rain is coming down Yuto, you would get sick if you played outside."  
But being sick was not of concern to my son, not now. Why should it when he knew his mother would be around to nurse him back to health.  
"Your castle would crumble in the rain, it wouldn't even stick." This he seemed to understand, still he was looking at me with big, pleading eyes, lips trembling. "Maybe the weather will be better tomorrow, than we'll go outside. Okay?"

"Okay," he nodded.

With a relieved smile I set him down on the floor again. "Why don't you help me with the laundry?" I suggested. Yuto happily waddled after me as I picked up the basket again.

While I put the dirty clothes into the machine, allowing Yuto to put in the detergent but making sure he didn't spill it all over the floor, I was already thinking of what to prepare for dinner. Sushi we only had yesterday, Vegetables and rice would be nice again, but Yuuichi and Yuto both weren't fond of this. I decided to cook ramen, that seemed suitable for a slight fresh, rainy summer day. In high school I nearly made ramen every day, so many times I was almost sick of it, but now we only ate it every now and then.

I was thinking back on what I had asked Natsuki, whether she got lonely sometimes only a week ago. The question had been out before I could stop it, half expecting her to bite my head off. Instead Natsuki had remained completely calm, so calm it had almost frightened me a little, but she had just patted Yuto and smiled at me, although it was such a sad smile, saying she was in a good place.

That night I had laying awake, unable to fall asleep even though I was tired. Yuuichi had fallen fast asleep after we had sex straight away, but I had not. He had had one beer to many to last long enough for me, and for some reason Natuski's face was haunting me. She had never shared more than necessary with me, or anybody for that matter, about her family and her childhood. Maybe, she had talked about it with Shizuru, I didn't know, she had been as tight lipped about her relationship with Shizuru as she had been about everything else. Still, I hoped she had been able to talk with her about it. I simply had to believe Natsuki when she assured me, that she was living a better life than before.

Yuuichi had softly snored beside me. I had shoved him little to get him to stop. He had made a sound somewhere between a grunt and a cough, turning over and throwing his arm over my stomach. Instinctively I had snuggled closer to him, into the warmth and security of his body next to mine. No matter what she had said, I couldn't imagine Natsuki not longing for an intimate connection with somebody and it had been over five, no over six years since they had broken up or however else Shizuru disappearing should be called. That night it worried me, that Natsuki still seemed unable to let go. It must be unhealthy to be hung up on your lover after being more years apart than they actually knew each other. I really wished she would find somebody she could be with. Natsuki may not want children, she often said she was quite happy to babysit Yuto for us sometimes but only because she knew she could give him back at the end of the day. But living completely alone, the thought coming home every day to an empty house, it had scared me and I had tangled my fingers with Yuuichi, to remind myself, that I was not alone, would never be. It must have given me some peace of mind for I finally fell asleep that night.

Right now as I was slicing leek and roasting slices of pork I found myself thinking of Mikoto. Cooking ramen would probably never not remind me of her. How she had praised my ramen and demanded them was both exhausting and a huge compliment. Not for the first time I wondered where Mikoto was now. After a few initial emails I had never heard from her, when she had moved away with her brother. In those mails she had mainly described their new apartment, how she planned to do her room and complained about the prep classes she had to take for her new school. Then the mails had mostly stopped, at first I assumed it was just a phase of her being busy and settling into her new class, then I had too many things on my mind and when I remembered, I felt ashamed to contact her after so long. But the nagging thoughts in the back of my head remained. Was she still living with Reito, had she gone to college, was she working a job now, had she found a partner?  
Was she happy now?  
That was what I wondered the most. But I had lost my right to find out, two years after our last contact I finally got up the courage to write Mikoto again, wanting to hear about her and tell her about my upcoming wedding. Selfish as I was, I had wished for her to be there, but no reply ever came and I had no number to call her under.

"Mama!" Yuto's voice pierced through the kitchen and only now I realized that the water was boiling already, the pot bubbled and little splashes of hot water were erupting. Without thinking I grabbed the pot on both handles, pulling it from the stove so fast even more water sloshed over the rim and right onto my hands. Immediately I set it down on the counter top and ran cold water over my hands in the sink.  
"Are you okay mama?" Yuto had walked over from were he'd been sitting, pulling at my leg and looking up with the most worried eyes I had ever seen on his young face. "The cooking water is hot and hot water is ouch. You have to be careful." He lectured me. I smiled at my boy. "I'm fine honey, don't worry, it doesn't hurt at all." And it was actually true I found, my hand didn't hurt at all, I put it under the cold water out of reflex rather than pain. Now, after several minutes of holding my skin under the torrent, the cold started stinging. I drew my hand back, looking at the red skin, thinking it strange that it didn't smart at all. But then the pork started to go black and I was distracted from wondering about it any further.  
"It smells wonderful in here!" Yuuichi's voice rang through the house when he returned home and immediately there was feet patter, meaning Yuto had ran to greet his father. Sure enough he came into the kitchen a moment later, holding our son in his arm and greeting me with a kiss. He leaned over my shoulder, inhaling the smells from the pot. "I love your ramen!" he told me and I laughed. "Then set the table and we can eat right away."  
"Sure thing. Come on Yuto, let's set the table," he said, handing him three pairs of chopsticks before he sat him down again.  
Soon enough we were all sitting around the table, enjoying dinner, when the phone rang. Yuuichi and I both looked at each other. He shrugged, not expecting any calls at this time just like I. When it didn't stop ringing I got up to get it. The number on the display was an unfamiliar one. Curiously I picked up.  
"Tate-household, Mai speaking,"  
"Hello Mai-chan, it's Midori! How are you?" Why on earth Midori was calling me on a weekday night at dinnertime I didn't know, neither where she got our number from, but her voice was as loud and cheerful as ever. I removed the phone little from my ear, in fear of my hearing.

"Hello Midori-san, we are fine. It's good to hear from you, but what has you calling all of a sudden?"

"Something has come up." She sounded serious now, more subdued. "Are you alone Mai, can you talk freely?"  
"Yuuichi and Yuto are next door, we were just having dinner." I replied. Glancing over my shoulder I saw them both sitting at the table. Yuuichi was wiping something of Yuto's face with a napkin, he caught me looking over his head and smiled at me. Automatically I smiled back.

"Go outside for a bit, I have to ask you something private."  
I laughed at this. "I'm married Midori-san, I can tell my husband anything."  
"This maybe not. Just go somewhere, it will be quick." she urged me so I gave in. Motioning to Tate, that I would take a while I left into the hallway and closed the door to the living room.  
"I'm alone now. What is so secretive I that I shouldn't tell it to Yuuichi?" Midori hummed.

"Let me first ask you something. Have you been feeling weird in any way lately?"  
"No..." I was puzzled by such a strange question. "What do you mean by weird?"  
"Never mind, you would know what I mean if you had experienced it." she brushed my question aside. "I'll get straight to the point, Mai-chan. Try summoning your Element."

"What!?" It came out as a yelp so surprised was I by Midori's request. "Shh" she hissed immediately. "Just try it, if it doesn't work everything is fine."  
"Fine" I nodded and concentrated. The first time I had summoned my Element it had happened in the heat of a battle with me being in dire need to defend myself. I had to focus harder now, in my mind I pictured the rings, flames springing forth from them, as the danced around my wrists and ankles. At first nothing happened. I could hear Midori's strained breathing through the line as she waited for what would happen. I was about to stop when I felt a buzz travelling through my whole body, then warmth spread through me from my head down to my feet and there they were. All fours rings lightened up the hallway in a blaze before I could get it under control and dim them down.

"It appeared, didn't they?" Midori asked quietly. She must have heard the crackle of the flames. "Yes they did," I confirmed, getting a heavy sigh in return.

"I had hoped as much as you, that you wouldn't be able to summon your weapon, but not that you're power has been reawakened it means your in this with me, and probably some of the rest as well." She added.  
"But in what Midori, the HiME-star was destroyed. How or why should our powers resurface?" I asked. "At this point I have no idea, I'm sorry. All I can say is, that I have seen an Orphan on campus two days ago and that I too can summon my Element again, but not my child. Something is happening and we will have to fight it again."

I feared her next words, rightly so. "You have to come to Fuuka until the start of next week."

"No Midori, I can't do that. I have a little son, a husband and a job." I didn't want this power again, not after all the pain it caused last time. We had fought our battle to leave it all behind.  
Midori sighed. "Believe me, I don't like it either but we have to. Take some time of and have your husband take care of your son."

"But -" I wanted to refuse, to object, there were so many reasons not to go. "The sooner we deal with it the sooner it will be over. Tell you family were having a meeting for old times sake and come to Fuuka."  
Before I had the chance to say anything else, the line went dead. Blankly I stared at the phone, my rings still hanging limply from my arms. Light fell into the hallway as the door to the living room suddenly opened. In a blink I hid my Element away. "Are you going to be on the phone longer, do you want me to heat up your food again?" Yuuichi asked.  
I shook my head. "It's fine. I'm finished." "What did she want?" he asked.

I bit my lip. "She invited me to a reunion next week," I said.


	3. Chapter 3

_Yukino_

* * *

Upon entering the room a wave of nostalgia washed over me. It had been so long since I had last stepped over the threshold of the student council room. But instead of the old familiar feeling of purpose I used to have when I followed Haruka through this door, all I felt lonely and uneasy now.

The handle was cold under my fingers, not comforting at all, and the faces inside the room, though all familiar to me in a way, did not belong to any of the council members I had worked with back in high school.

My old place here had simply been next to Haruka, now, on my own, I let my gaze wander, wondering where to sit for this meeting that was about to take place.

Naturally, there was Midori, for she had summoned us, dressed as ever in jeans and a rather skimpy t-shirt, not looking like the respectable teacher she was supposed to be. Sitting next to her, talking, was Mai, and in the far corner stood a young woman with short brown hair whose face I could not place, but she looked as if she were appalled at the mere idea of being here. Last of all, with her back turned to the room and looking out of the window into the school grounds was undoubtedly the long black mane of Kuga Natsuki.

Although Natsuki had not been a member of the student council in her school days, she had been in here quite a few times; always at the side of the president. My eyes rested on her rigid back, her lone form surrounded by the bright sunlight falling through the glass and I wondered if she felt just as alone right now as I did. I briefly contemplated going over to her and ask, but Natsuki still possessed the unapproachable aura she already cultivated as a student, so I silently took a seat next to Midori.  
Thinking it was better not to ask; Fujino not being here didn't necessarily mean she did was not with Natsuki any more. For what did I know? I had not spoken to either of them in years and we certainly had never been friends.

Mai and Midori greeted me friendly before resuming their conversation, or rather Mai talking about her little son. It must have been especially hard for her to leave her family, it made me feel sorry for her. Gazing around the room again, I wondered whether I had been the last one or not. Including me we were only five people gathered here, which made fighting whatever Midori suspected to be going on seem a lot harder all of a sudden and the uneasy feeling did not leave me; I did not want to be here.  
Much less so when the door opened once again to reveal Fujino Shizuru. Four pairs of eyes were immediately upon her. The years had been good to her, I noticed, for she was almost looking the same as when she had graduated, save a few tiny lines around her eyes and her mouth.

"Good day, everybody." she said, in that practised voice of hers which sounded like honey to the ears of the listeners. Fujino had used it whenever she was dealing with authorities or trying to get her way.  
A rustle from the window made me tear my gaze from Fujino and, turning around, I saw that Natsuki, alarmed by the too familiar voice, had stopped feigning ignorance to her surroundings and was staring at Fujino with a expression I could only call utter bewilderment. I guess it was an answer to my unspoken question.

Natsuki looked like she was about to blurt out something for a moment and then, her face became impassive again, she turned her back to the room once more. Fujino didn't look at anyone, she simply made her way to her old place to sit down. She fitted in just as well as the interior and for all that it looked natural and familiar to have Fujino sit there at the head of the room, it gave me a queasy feeling. Praying the meeting would soon commence I averted my eyes from the sight of Fujino, fixing my eyes on the door.

I wished for Miu to be by my side for I would not feel as alone, were she here, but then I sternly reminded myself that I didn't want to drag her into whatever mess was about to come up here especially after Midori had reminded me to come alone.

The door slid open once again, letting in Yuuki Nao, older but still no more civil, who dropped unceremoniously in an empty chair closest to the door.

Apparently this was the signal we had been waiting for. "Very good!" Midori exclaimed cheerfully as she rose from her seat. "Now that we're all gathered here I'd like to welcome you back to Fuuka. Although the circumstances of this reunion are not as happy as we could have hoped"

"Yeah, like we wanted to come in the first place," Nao drawled. Although she was a grown woman in her twenties now, she still acted like a highschooler.

Midori continued unperturbed. "I am nevertheless happy to see you again. It is time for the HiME-sentai to be revived now that new perils have arisen to threaten your beloved old school."  
Nao clicked her tongue in a sound of disgust at Midori's speech and I could swear I saw a flicker of a smile ghost over Fujino's face. Personally, the word HiME made me shudder involuntarily for it brought back the memories of my darkest and weakest hours, moments I was so ashamed of I had blackened them out in my history. And I had certainly never told my girlfriend about them, she didn't need to know what a coward I had been.  
What would await us now? I strongly doubted I would be able to fight those perils Midori spoke any better this time, seeing as I never had been a good fighter.

"So we will join our forces and strive to emerge victorious from all of this!" Midori was still going on and again Nao snorted at her choice of words, breaking my train of thoughts and I caught Mai throwing an unnerved look her way. Yuuki-san may look older now, but still behaved just like teenager; or she made it a point to act like one. I could not be sure, as I had not seen anything of her since I left Fuuka.

In fact, I had not seen a lot of the people I went to school with for years, but if this was a HiME meeting there should be more gathered in this room.

Shyly I spoke up. "Excuse me Sugiura-sensei, but shouldn't there be twelve persons here? Where is the rest?"

Midori dropped her cheerful expression and exchanged a look with Mai, who nodded and started to speak. "Unfortunately there are only the seven of us left."

As I gasped, Mai gently touched my arm, to assure me. "No, that was probably phrased badly. But Midori-sensei has contacted all former HiME and the others do not have their powers restored as it seems. They cannot fight without their elements so it's going to be our fight alone. We can't drag defenceless people into it. This, whatever it is, concerns only Midori-sensei, Kaichou-san, Natsuki, Yuuki-san, Shiho-chan and you and me."

Surprised I glanced at the sulking woman in the corner, to whom Mai must have referred as Shiho-chan. She sure had changed a lot. While I myself and the others more or less looked the same, only older, there was no trace of the girl with the pink pigtails left in that woman.  
"It's Munakata-san for you!" the woman in question hissed. "Sorry, Munakata-san, you and me." Mai amended but otherwise ignoring Shiho.

"I see." I said slowly. "Please continue."

Midori nodded and picked up again.

"Two or three weeks ago, 'incidents' started to happen on the campus like overthrown dust bins, trampled flower beds, minor damages on school buildings, you get the picture. At first these act's were chalked up as vandalism, bottled up aggressions of some overbearing students. I actually had a couple of suspects, but I interrogated them and observed them and they were definitely not guilty." She paused for a moment to let us take in the information. "However, when repeated sightings of a wild beast on the grounds were reported, it sounded suspiciously close to nine years ago. The headmistress and I investigated and sadly found our suspicions to be true, that there were Orphans loose around the school grounds. So far they didn't attack any students, yet the one I cornered with the headmistress put up a fight."

"How powerful was it?" a voice asked from the window. It was the first time Natsuki had raised her voice. She was ignoring everybody in the room except Midori on whom she fixed her eyes.

"It was rather weak, but if I had not tried to summon my element on instinct and succeeded it still would have gotten nasty. " Natsuki nodded and leaned back against the window again, however she remained facing us rather than turning her back again.  
"This event" now Midori's words were directed at the whole group again. "also gave us the first clue that not every HiME has been reactivated. Himeno-sama has not been able to summon up her weapon, neither then nor anytime afterwards up until now."

"Oh, so this is why you asked me to try conjuring up me element on the phone." I said softly, for I had been puzzled by this particular request when she had phoned me, but the success of my attempt had already filled me with apprehension.

Midori nodded. "Yes, I posed the same questions more or less to everybody from our former sentai and here you see what is so to speak left of us."

"So what's gonna happen now?" Nao drawled, as if all this did not concern her. "You want us to start another carnival until only one is left standing again? Because then I suggest we just get this over with, I have better things to do than be here."

Midori hit her fist on the table so hard I almost jumped out of my seat, Nao however merely raised an eyebrow when Midori lost her cheery demeanour yelling, "We will most certainly not fight each other at any point!"

"So what is your plan, Midori-sensei?" Mai asked, attempting to keep the situation calm. Midori gratefully took her up on it.  
"We need more information on what is happening, any clue on why the Orphans are back and why it's only us left. Me and Himeno-sama will try to find out what we can. For the time being the rest of you is supposed to guard the students, which means patrol the campus and be ready to fight Orphans if the come out until we know more. I have arranged rooms for you in the dorms so that you will be on site all the time."

It didn't sound like a brilliant plan, but I had to agree, it was the best we could do for the moment, considering our circumstances. Students' safety were the top priority at the moment and I found myself thinking it was the same thing Haruka would have said. This at least, I knew how to do and surveillance had always been my strong suit. I still felt more than uneasy about it all but for now at least there was a task I could do confidently.

"Alright HiME-sentai, patrol duty tonight goes to Mai-chan and Nao-chan and we will meet tomorrow for breakfast for an update. Until nightfall you're free to rediscover your old campus." And with that Midori pushed her chair back and left the room.

She was gone before I could make up my mind whether to ask her any more questions about the situation, leaving me sitting there just as in the beginning on who to turn to. Maybe the reason was, that we were in the student council room but I found myself missing Haruka terribly, so bad it almost hurt physically. Beautiful, strong Haruka, who would take charge more so than Midori, who would lead the scouting troupes on patrol personally. Haruka, who would barge in head-first into the danger even when she didn't even know what kinds of power she was up against. Although I knew, now better than last time, that Haruka would not be able to do anything, not being a HiME, I wished for her to be here.  
Instead of trying to get into a conversation with anybody else, I took up Midori's example and let the room quickly before any of them could see how close I was to tears, almost running to the room where I had dropped my bag before the meeting. I chided myself for wishing for Haruka. It had been eight, almost nine ears. If anybody, I should wish for my girlfriend, for Miu, to be by my side I should be more than over Haruka and all that we could never be, but it was impossible. Every place here, every room and corner held memories of our school days, of the times I was at her side every day and she was trusting in me with this absolute belief only Haruka could muster up for everything.  
I had to stop this, I was my own person now, a grown, mature woman who should drag nobody into whatever this was going to be, neither Haruka nor Miu. Being back at my old high school did not give me permission to regress to my timid self from back then. I resolved to get on with the surveillance straight away. The sooner we found out the source of our powers returning the sooner we could hopefully rid ourselves of them and return to our normal lives.


	4. Chapter 4

_Midori_

* * *

The first meeting was over and done with but I didn't know whether to be happy about it or simply relieved that it was over. When I had been seventeen this had been way more fun, it had been an adventure. Now I had seen to many adventures for one single lifetime. Quickly I walked away from the student council room. I didn't expect any of the girls to come after me, I had made sure to leave to abrupt for any chatter to come up but I needed distance. It was starting the exact same way like nine years ago. The carnival had taught me what fear really meant, not despair, that only came later when my professor actually died. In the carnival I constantly only feared for his life but I was still confident that we were the good guys and thus it would work out.  
Ten years ago I was elated to discover I had magical powers, now I was jaded, knowing the cost of these powers. It was a price I was not willing to pay anymore. When the adrenalin of the Orphan kill had faded a week ago, I had been sick, right there in front of Fumi. I couldn't go through it all another time, I didn't even have a most important person anymore.

So why me?  
I had asked myself this countless times, especially since I had started digging up phone numbers of the other girls and contacting them. Why us? What was it about me and them that we had to fight again? I had no answer.

"Go back to class." Youko said without turning around when I slid the door open. My feet had carried me straight to the infirmary automatically. Whenever I needed a break, I still went there, whether for a cup of coffee or just a few minutes of Youko's company.  
"Give me a break," I whined, "I don't even have class anymore right now."

She looked up from her work when she recognized my voice. "You look like you need coffee," she said after having one look at me. I nodded. That was exactly the reason I came for, well that and holding off on going to my next meeting for a little while.  
"Get some cups then." Youko said. I obliged, gathering two mugs from her special cupboard and filling them with coffee. Black and one sugar for Youko and milk an three sugars for me. I handed Youko her cup and took a long sip of mine. Youko was watching me, stirring the spoon, waiting. "How did your meeting with the girls go?" she asked when I did not start talking.

"Good. I think. I don't know." It was the truth. I had acted as if I had a plan of sorts, as if it was only a matter of time until we would know what we had to do to be left in peace once and for all. However the truth was neither Fumi nor I had found anything similar in the old records to clue us in. Part of me wanted to hope she would tell me something different when I would meet with her later but it was unlikely. I was hoping Youko could tell me what to do. This time around I had told her what was happening. It had seemed reasonable after I had told her the whole HiME history after the carnival had ended. That, and I had needed a friend at my side. Who better than someone level-headed and calm like Youko. But without further information even she was hard pressed for sound advice, much as I wished for it.

"They all showed up, which is a good sign. Told them to be alert, keep an eye up and take up patrol duty after dark. They agreed to it, or well, rather I left before they had time to object." I tried to laugh but it came out hollow.

"It's a start. At least with the other girls around, I have less fear of students getting injured."

"Yeah, it's good, they're around now. Still, the question remains, why now? And why only seven of the twelve."  
I stared imploringly at Youko as if she could provide the answers, but she only shrugged her shoulders. "From all you told me about the last time you had your powers I can't see much similarities, there's no big comet in the sky. Yet."

"It can't come back! We destroyed it!" Even the mention of the HiME-star made me frantic. We were all older than the last time around but even more so now, I felt responsible for the others. I was the leader and by now I knew what this encompassed.  
Youko's face immediately became remorseful. "I'm sorry Midori, it was a poor attempt at a joke."  
She gently pressed my hand. "I am sure you will figure it out soon enough."  
"But what if I don't? What if they die, Youko and I can't do anything to save them?" I gripped her hand tighter.

What was the use of become a teacher instead of living the life of an adventurer when adventures just followed you around? Having seen all my fellow HiME in the classroom just emphasized what could be at stake. They were all their own people, they had lives outside of Fuuka, jobs, partners, family.  
"If I can be of any help, you tell me, won't you." I nodded, giving her a weak smile as I pulled myself together. Letting my fears take over was not an option. And it was the best support she could give me at the moment. If Youko could remain calm without having magical powers to defend herself with, I ought to be able to keep going, too.

"Maybe a miracle happened and Fumi-san did uncover a lead while I was briefing the team."

"Yes, maybe."  
I handed her the empty mug, waved goodbye and made my way out. The meeting with the headmistress had been put of long enough.  
The way from Youko's infirmary to the headmistress's office was long walk yet over in no time. Squaring my shoulders and taking a deep breath I rapped my hand against the heavy oaken door while I told myself once again that there was no need to be so anxious just yet. Maybe it would not be the same sort of tragedy as last time. Maybe nobody would die.

From the inside the high-pitched muffled voice of Fumi called to enter and I stepped into the office. Normally the room was spotless, everything neatly at its place. Fumi had made it a point upon becoming the headmistress to keep the office as orderly if not more so than when she was still the caretaker of Mashiro. Right now, I could see her priorities had shifted. Her desk was loaded with large, ancient books brought up from the library, piling high enough to almost hide Fumi behind them. The coffee table, too, was cluttered with a few more books and notes on things we had thought might be leads but turned out dead ends so far. I recognized my own handwriting as well as hers on the sheets, meaning they'd been lying here for at least two days. I bit my lip, but marched over to her desk anyway.  
"Anything new?" I asked, not wanting the answer I would surely get. As expected Fumi shook her head an sighed. "Not yet. All our sources telling of the Carnivals always start out with twelve chosen maidens, there is not one account were there were only seven."  
"Or eight," I reminded her. "We don't know about Mikoto-chan."

"So none of the other girls has been in contact with Minagi-san recently?" Fumi asked and it was my turn to shake my head.  
"No. I had my hopes set on Mai-chan, but all she had to say on the subject was, how school and jobs and children, basically how life came in the way and then she changed the subject."  
Fumi raised her eyebrows at that. "Do you think she might be lying?" I considered it for a moment, this thought which had not occurred to me before. It was another sign about how tense Fumi must be if she was this mistrustful. "No, Mai would never lie about Mikoto. If anything she looked embarrassed that she doesn't know where the girl is."

Fumi sighed. "I didn't mean to be so suspicious. But I would like to know if she has reawakened as well or not, after all she was one of the mightiest HiME in our Carnival." She closed the tome in front of her and focused her whole attention on me. "How are the girls that we did manage to gather here? Are they alright, are their accommodations to their liking?"

It was obvious she wanted to shift our conversation to the lighter topics for the time being and I wasn't going to object.

"They should be fine. I sent the vice student president to show them their rooms before I left, it should be fine. Hopefully they will work together as a team. For tonight I put Mai-chan on patrol duty together with Nao, it seemed like the safest option. Considering the history they all have with each other." I explained. And I probably only know half of it, I t thought. Mai had told all she knew about Shiho and her sort of sleep-controlling her child. Nao made some offhanded comments about Fujino being a 'crazy psycho-bitch' after the carnival and even though she always had tried to hide it, I still remembered Yukino not being able to meet either Natuski's or Fujino's eye in the aftermath. Mai seemed as solid and good-natured as always. It was a slight relief to be able to count on her.

Fumi nodded as if she knew my reasoning. "That sounds good. They should be more than capable of handling any Orphans should they come out tonight. Let us have lunch and then get back to research. Until we find clues in other places we have to stick to the library."

Randomly I took one book from the top of the pile on Fumi's desk and flopped down with it on an armchair by the coffee-table. If this was archaeology I would know exactly where to look first. There were so many sources and interpretations about all the things of our past that we could always find out with good certainty what must have happened because we were looking at things that had already happened, not trying to gaze into the future. On top of that, no matter where you went, all civilisations shared the same basic treats, but Orphans weren't human, they did not act according to the same sets of rules and while the HiME themselves were human, our powers were not and the rules as to how we got them were magical and fled the knowledge of the books completely.  
So I knew, even while I was re-reading another iteration of the HiME war, that looking back into the past was not going to help us, I still did it because we lacked other options.

"Midori-san" Fumi stirred me from my reading. "May I ask you something? When you spotted the first Orphan and it attacked you, were you glad to find yourself being able to summon your Element or not?"

I saw her placing a hand on her sleeve, where I know the second Orphan we had encountered had slashed her. Youko had treated the wound well, but it would still leave a scar on her skin. I swallowed. There was no answer I could give, conflicted as my emotions were.


	5. Chapter 5

_Shizuru_

* * *

Here I was again, walking through corridors I thought I had left far behind me, but apparently as with so many other things there was no escape for me to have. To an outside spectator I must have looked like an early sleepwalker, strolling past dorms and faculty buildings, but they were not privy to my memories, to all the things I could still see when I moved along these suppressed paths.  
Midori's call had not frightened me, all I felt was resignation as my fingers closed around the cool handle of my blood red naginata. Karmic retribution might be another way to call it, that I could not leave my cursed powers behind me, just like I couldn't rid myself of the people involved. Part of me instantly thought of Natsuki, even after years almost every little thing managed to remind me of her if only for a second. In a twisted way immediately I hoped for her to be reawekende as well so that I could see her again. I was disgusted with this part of me and told myself that I should wish her safe and well away from all things HiME related.

But my heart beat faster and my breath quickened as I saw that unmistakeable mane of black hair near the window when I had entered the student council meeting room. Of course I hid my reaction to her presence just as I did not give any outward sign of acknowledgement when she had reacted to my voice. It had been startled, Natsuki's reaction, whether in a good or bad way I was not able to say. That alone irked me a little, as once upon a time I was able to read her so well. I should not seek her out, especially not with the circumstances what they were yet I couldn't help myself. Like a moth drawn to the flame I went out to search Natsuki as soon as Nao grudgingly went to meet up with Mai for patrol. First I was tempted going straight to Natsuki's room, but this was the worst I idea and I was aware of it.  
Also, if Natsuki was still somewhat like her old self, she was unlikely to spend her time cooped up in there. Out of habit more than an actual belief that I could find her there my first way was to the student council room. Of course it was empty at this time of the day. Maybe it was my hubris talking again, but Natsuki had only ever come to the council room because of me, I had been sure that there was no point of her being there. Still it hadn't hurt to look. Part of me wanted me to take the detour to realise I should leave her alone. A futile attempt since I never quite could. I may have left Natsuki's life, but she was still in my thoughts every single day since then and it would be a lie to claim I didn't still love her with desperate ardour. Nevertheless, I had been strong enough to leave her, surely there could be no harm in just talking to her after so long.

She was not in the council room, that meant I had to take my search outside, Natsuki had never been fond of any of the classrooms. The last light was asking the campus in a golden glow when I exited, the silhouette of the rebuild church a stark shadow against the setting sun. I wondered if this was to be taken as a hint, whether I would find Natsuki at the location of our former demise. The idea of going to look for her there was not appealing to me, she had done what had been necessary and what I was unable to do at that time but revisiting the scene I shied away from away.

Purposefully I directed my steps in another direction, turning my back on the church. Eventually I ended up in the gardens. Wouldn't it be poetic, I thought, if we should meet here again, after so many years, at the place were we first met in our school days. However, the lanes between the rows of flowers were deserted. It was getting duskier, but the light was still enough to see that no person was standing or walking among them. I sighed. Most of the flowers had already wilted during the summer, only a few remained with their heads standing tall on the stalks and even their petals started to fray and brown around the edges. Idly, with nothing better to do I started to walk through the garden, after all, even without Natsuki here, it was a pleasant evening for a stroll. So caught up in my own thoughts, whether simply coming here had been madness in itself or not, I almost didn't notice anything until it was too late. A swift movement in the corner of my eye, by the pavilion startled me, it was only a shadow and it could be anything, ready to attack. Instantly I had my naginata in my hand, broadening my stance and waiting for the fight. "Show yourself!" I demanded. I wasn't on patrol, but I could deal with an Orphan by myself just fine.  
Only to drop my blade into the grass, when not a demonic creature but Natsuki stepped out of the shadows behind the pavilion.  
She had not summoned her element, but was fixating me with a stare as cold as any of her ice bullets. It was so harsh I couldn't even feel any satisfaction that my instincts had not been wrong, that she had come to the garden after all.

I was waiting for her to say something, any thing, but she remained silently glaring. I let the naginata disappear.  
"Hello Natsuki," I offered. I wasn't sure if her face faltered for a moment or if it was a trick of the streetlights on the path lighting up. Natsuki's mouth twitched, as if words were about to come forward but didn't and then she turned around. Briskly starting to walk away.  
I couldn't let this chance slip through my fingers. "Natsuki, wait!" I called out.

To my surprise she actually did stop. I took a trepid step before she whipped around. Not only did she speak this time, she shouted.  
"What do want Shizuru? You disappear out of my life without any notice, I can't find a trace of you and the you finally talk to me because circumstances outside our controls force us to see each other?! You don't get to walk up to me and 'Hello Natsuki' me!"  
If she had slapped me in my face it would have hurt less. I forced my voice not to show how her words hurt me. "I had to leave, Natsuki."  
"Why? Why couldn't you at least tell me where you were going? I was worried sick about you!"  
She had cared for me, my beautiful, compassionate Natsuki. I had hoped she would not worry after I had been gone, after all I went to relief her from the burden that was me an my desires. Hearing that it had caused her pain pained me all the more. Still I did what had to be done, granted it had not gone the way I intended it too, but I had to defend this.  
"Natsuki is kind to worry about me, but she of all people should know that I am capable of taking care of myself. It - "

"Yes, yourself! Only yourself, apparently!" Natsuki cut in, enraged. "We were living together Shizuru, for fuck's sake! How could you just up and leave?"  
"I did what was best for you." I had to maintain this point. I simply had to.  
"You can't just decide what's best for me, not without even bothering to get my input on it." Her voice was still full of anger even when it quivered, close to breaking. "I thought we were in this together Shizuru."  
It was hard remaining calm upon being faced with such raw emotions. I wished I could have thought of a better way to do what was best for both of us. I, too, had wished we could be in this together.

"Natsuki, please understand."  
"Understand what? Your 'reasons'? What I did wrong to make you leave? How can I understand anything if you never cared to share your reasons?"  
My sweet girl, here she was trying so hard that I wished nothing more than to scoop her up in my arms and hold her tight yet I had lost the privilege to do so. I knew I owed her the truth, but how could I tell her what a sick, unstable mind I had. How could I admit the reason I left her was my fear of not being able to control myself around her, my fear that she would never return my feelings to the same depth and that I would snap and do unforgivable things without a HiME-star to blame?  
I tried to plead with her. At one point Natsuki had trusted me, was it too much to hope she would again?

"Just believe me, that I had reasons to go and I wouldn't have left if I had known any other way." I was not above pleading, not with Natsuki but I couldn't tell her the whole story, lest I wanted her to hate me.  
"How can you be so selfish? You ask me to trust you when it's clear you never trusted me to begin with! Or you would have at least talked to me!"  
The way she stood right in the centre of the streetlight's beam, framed by it like a halo she was the embodiment of an angel. The one thing, too good for me, that gave me a purpose.

"I did it to protect you." I wished I could make her see it without also revealing what ugliness was inside me. Gingerly I stepped closer to her, reaching out a hand without meaning to, just to touch her arm, needing tactile proof. She slapped my outstretched hand away before I could lay it on her, but still, it was touching of our skins, if only for a moment. She was really here, even if she hated me.  
"Protect me from what?" She demanded, not yelling any more, but hissing. "You're not the only one who can take care of herself! Look at me, you left me but I still did just fine."  
It was true, she did fine, didn't she. Otherwise Natsuki would not be standing here right now. It was the one sentence that deflated me as if she pricked a balloon with a needle. All I had ever wanted was for her to be fine, shouldn't I be happy about this? I couldn't be, deep down I was still an egoist. Slowly I pulled my hand back, giving Natsuki what I hoped was a warm smile. Her eyes were still icy. "If that is all you have to say, just leave me alone."  
Three quick steps and Natsuki had left our circle of light, vanishing in the shadows of a full-blown night and this time she did not respond when I called out her name again.  
I deserved it, yet it hurt all the same.

Maybe I should have volunteered to patrol, it would give me something to keep my mind occupied. My naginata reappeared in my hand without a thought and in a single graceful swipe I cut one of the few white flowers still standing up and pulled it back to me. I tucked the blossom in my hair and deliberately left the gardens in the opposite direction that Natsuki had gone.


	6. Chapter 6

Next one on is our dear Nao, who is right now more lost than ever.

* * *

_Nao_

* * *

I lounged on the bed idly flicking the pages of the new Vogue. Not that I was actually reading what little text there was, I just gazed at the pictures while trying not to think what could happen this night. Last night's patrol had been uneventful if not boring but Midori had had no news for us today so we were all more or less condemned to wait. In an attempt to alleviate some of my boredom I had changed from my assigned room to Shizuru's. As much as I hated to admit it, I had become so used to sleeping next to her, I was less comfortable when she wasn't next to me. But Shizuru had not mentioned anything about a double dorm to Midori and after walking the whole campus three times I had been too dead on my feet to sneak into her bed.

She hadn't been in her room when I entered, though. I heard water running and with a sigh, had flopped down on her bed. It was much harder than the one in our apartment. I had resigned myself to more waiting, picking up the magazine. Knowing Shizuru, it could take a good while until she was done in there.  
Shizuru exited the bathroom in a cloud of steam, only a large towel wrapped around her body and another, smaller one around holding up her damp hair. Only a raise of her eyebrow gave indication that she even noticed my presence. Without a comment about it, she sat down at the dressing table. I watched her as she pulled the towel from her head and carefully brushed her sleek hair before beginning to blow-dry it.

I threw myself around on my back, staring at the ceiling. It was annoying me, that she ignored me, I had come to find my something outside my head to focus my attention on.  
There were still Orphans running around Fuuka while none of us had an explanation where they came from. Why had they come out again this time around? The carnival had cost us everything we had and more I thought bitterly. Yes, miraculously all our most important persons were revived afterwards, as were we ourselves, but what did it matter to me when my mother did a year later, again. That time there was nobody around to magically bring her back to life. She was just dead and I had had to loose her twice, before I ended up being alone. Now, what was there left for us? Small wonder we were able to summon our elements again but not our Children. What bugged me the most about the whole thing was the question: Why had only the seven of us regained our powers this time and not all twelve HiME?  
Not that I was keen on seeing any of the other HiME again, but why us. I had no nerve or energy to invest in this thing.

We all had Midori asked this very same question, but she had no answer to present. It made us uneasy; I had sensed it back in the class room and this morning at our meeting. Each of them had looked uncomfortably when our great leader had to announce her and Himeno-san's research had not yielded any significant results, even Shizuru had appeared mildly surprised, although I doubted anybody besides me had been able to read her well enough to notice.  
Not knowing anything, that was our starting point before the Carnival as well. It made them afraid of what was to come. I couldn't say I liked it much either.

Midori had said she would look into the old accounts more for a hint of what was going on, would search until she found something. In the meantime we were to look out for one another and watch for anything that seemed even remotely suspicious or possibly connected to the reappearance of the Orphans. Sure that'll help, I thought sarcastically, that woman was over thirty now and still every bit as naïve as ever. What good was it to basically have us act after trouble had already occurred?

The sound of the blow-dryer had stopped and I turned on my stomach to see Shizuru putting aside her brush and reaching for her make-up now. She put on the full package: foundation, make-up, mascara, powder.

I slid off the bed and came up behind her. With one hand resting on her bare shoulder I regarded her image in the mirror for a moment. She was beautiful.

"You're putting a lot of work in this. Any plans for the evening?" I whispered in her ear with a seductive drawl in my voice. Shizuru had just finished applying dark red lipstick. I came around to her front and kissed her on her freshly coloured lips. She opened her mouth, allowing me entrance, but refused to meet my tongue with her own as she normally would. I pulled back, not without biting her softly in her bottom lip. It was the weirdest kiss we had ever shared, like she couldn't make up her mind whether she craved our physical connection or not.

"Would you mind leaving for a while later?" she asked me, her eyes fixed on her image in the mirror, reapplying the lipstick I had so effectively smeared just now. "How nice that this would be the first thing you say to me." I remarked. Shizuru didn't respond to my bait. "Natsuki is coming over tonight," she simply said.

"Oh" I smirked, feigning nonchalance even though Kuga was the last person I wanted to be ditched for, apart from Shiho maybe. That woman gave me the creeps.  
"So that's what the 'come-and-get-me-style' is about: you're trying to get her into bed."

"Maybe, she was very passionate yesterday." Shizuru replied, her voice as even as if she was talking about the weather. I stared at her for the fraction of a second in the mirror, unbelieving. Her mask was impenetrable right now, a perfect picture of impassiveness and lips that just begged to be kissed. I made sure to scratch her bare shoulder with my nails before I turned and walked out into the living room. "Wear a black thong Shizuru, I'm sure she likes the view of your ass." I tossed over my shoulder as I excited.

It was a petty remark, but I couldn't care less what Shizuru thought about it right now. She gave my feelings no thought either, simply throwing me out of her room like that. Although part of me had been almost sure that Shizuru would go and try for Kuga as soon as I saw her in the council room yesterday, I did not expect anything to happen so soon. I knew Shizuru had lived with her before our arrangement came to be, but she had never shared any details. I didn't know why Kuga had broken up with her, however I had foolishly hoped Shizuru would have been over her after so much time. Couldn't that woman see how pathetic she was being? And what the hell was up with Kuga, I wondered. In high school she couldn't even hug people without blushing and now she slept with Shizuru the first night they saw each other again. I couldn't really believe it, briefly I considered Shizuru to be lying, but discarded the thought because: what reason did she have to lie to me?

From the looks of it Kuga would soon be here and until she got here I would stay, to have a nice little chat with her. If I was to be deprived of Shizuru's company for the evening, I would make sure to get at least some sort of entertainment out of the situation.

Sure enough, not ten minutes later there was a soft knock on the door and Shizuru was still in the bedroom. In a flash I was at the door. With a flourish I bade our guest to enter. "Hello Kuga." I offered with a false smile.

Her dumbfounded expression had me grinning wide. Whatever she had expected to see coming here, it had not been me.

"What the hell are you doing here Nao?" she hissed.

"What, can't I drop in with a fellow HiME and spent time with her?" I asked all innocence. "In fact it's only natural I would be here, after all I have lived with Shizuru for quite some years already. Isn't that right Shizuru?" I called back into the apartment as she chose this perfectly timed moment to exit the bedroom.

"Yes that's true." Shizuru answered, though she did not look too pleased about my little scene. I was delighted however: Kuga's bewildered look switched between me and Shizuru while Shizuru herself was giving me an icy glare. "But she was about to leave right now."

This could not have been any better in this situation. "Have a nice time catching up." I sang in a false cheery voice. As if they hadn't caught up enough yesterday. When I pushed by Natsuki who was still standing in the doorway, I paused shortly to whisper into her ear. "I hope you're up to her, she likes it rough, you know."

Let them see what a wonderful get together this would be.

Left with the choice of returning to my own empty room or bothering one of the other girls, I decided I might as well heed Midori's advice and snoop around a bit. However slim the chances of me finding anything it was preferable to sitting around in my room doing nothing.

"Watch out for anything that seems unusual or suspicious." had been Midori's words. Great help they were. With no other intelligence on the matter all I could do was basically wandered around aimlessly waiting for an orphan or whatever to stumble right in front of me.

'Anything unusual'. I snorted. I had actually seen unusual right back there with Kuga and Shizuru, I thought sarcastically, though that wasn't the kind of unusual Midori had meant. Funny what time can do to people. I always had known Shizuru was a masochist, but I would never have guessed she'd take the girl back, even as a fuck buddy after she broke her heart. Not to mention I never would have gauged Kuga as so easy.  
Nevertheless, it was stupid, plain stupid. Kuga walked out on Fujino leaving her a desolate wreck who jumps off of the nearest cliff, then after years she comes back in her life due to circumstances and Fujino is so whatever that she takes the chance right away. Thinking about these two idiots makes me glad I never fall in love.

Nagi had always been hanging around the glass dome last time and while Midori had most likely had had similar thoughts already, it was as good as any place to start. The door was locked this time of the night, but I still had retained my many talents from my delinquent times and it swung open for me in no time. Inside it was dark, the lights were off and the control god knows where. The flash light in my phone would have to do.  
Slowly I let the beam wander, waiting for something to catch my eye. The handrail around the middle was filled with ribbons just like had it been in my own school days. Some things never seemed to change. I had never placed one there, not being the superstitious type. The ribbons were not going to be of use though, so I left them alone. From up here my meagre light did not even reach the bottom of the layer below, but I guessed if I were to find interesting things it might be down there.  
On the lower level it was even harder to see anything. Upstairs at least a little bit of light had been coming in through the glass dome, shed by the street lights outside, down here I wasn't even able to make out contours of anything. My little light beam wandered slowly over shelves stuffed with books. I didn't bother with those, books were Midori's domain. The last time I had been in Fuuka, I had never come down here and why would I have. Most of the time I had been too busy being off campus, luring paedophiles into alleys and robbing them off, instead of hanging around old stuffy books. Maybe I would now a secret about this place now, if thing had been different I thought.

'If things had been different.' This could be applied to countless instances in my life I told myself with a hint of bitterness.

Just when a piece of empty wall came into my sight and I halted my steps, wondering why there was not bookshelf next to bookshelf like before, I heard the doors upstairs creak open. Somebody else was here besides me. I bit my lip, deliberating my next move. I could continue my exploration down here or head up to see whoever else was sneaking around here at this hour.  
Noiselessly I headed upstairs, which wasn't easy considering I had to turn off my little light. By the time I reached the upper level, the door was already closed again. Going outside without being seen was impossible, but I simply had to hope whoever had exited before me, was not looking back.  
Looking left and right I saw no one around the dome, holding my breath I listened, but I couldn't make out the sound of steps. On chance I headed left, around the building. Seemed like I wasn't the only one getting lucky tonight, at least in a sense. Up ahead I could see a shadow, turning away from the other faculty buildings. There was no guarantee this was the person I just heard inside the glass dome, but it was my best guess and the only person around, so I quickly followed them.  
It was good I had always been adapt at reading body language, taking in even the slightest jerks in a person's behaviour, or else I wouldn't have been able to dive behind the bushes lining the path in time as they suddenly turned around.

Whoever they were, they were apparently afraid of being followed, which made me more determined to chase them. This was becoming fun, a smirk slowly spreading over my face. In my head I counted to seven, then I raised my head just enough to quint over the hedges. Sure enough, my target was moving again, more briskly now and it would be hard for me to not loose sight in the night without also making too much noise. I liked a challenge.  
Slowly I was gaining ground and was able to see a bit more. Guessing their height to be rather small, maybe even less tall than I and dark hair, falling down to about their chin. By this alone it could have been anybody. They were wearing a long coat, hiding any distinctive features of their body but judging by the shoulders it was a woman. Not even the most feminine guy I had ever encountered had such slender shoulders.

They couldn't have seen me, careful as I had been in my sneaking, however something must have set them on the edge, all of a sudden she started running towards the outer wall of the campus, ducking between two houses. I speed up too when it felt like my head was about to burst. In shock from the sudden pain I stumbled and couldn't catch myself. My knees and arms painfully collied with the pavement. Where it had came from I couldn't tell, I had been fine just a moment ago and now it felt as if somebody was gleefully sticking hot needles into my skull. I pressed my hands to my head, trying to bock the pain out, to no avail. Bile was rising in my throat, I could already taste it in the back of my mouth and then the pain was gone, just as abruptly as it had come.  
Carefully I pushed myself up on my hands and knees, taking deep breaths to calm myself. When I wasn't seeing white flashes in front of my eyes anymore I looked around but of course my target had disappeared.  
I dragged myself back onto my feet. So much for finding anything out tonight. Normally I would have at least Shizuru giving me a good orgasm to relax to look forward to, but this was out of the question tonight as well.  
I had known coming back here to Fuuka would not be a good idea.


	7. Chapter

 

Here we go, this time around were having a walk with Shiho and I hope I will manage in her chapters to capture just how crazy she is.

* * *

_Shiho_

* * *

The first time Midori had called, I had picked up the phone mildly curious. It had been rather late on a Friday night, I had been about to turn in for the night and was just turning off the lights. Quickly I had grabbed the phone, lest the sound woke anybody up. I never got many calls to begin with, much less from numbers I didn't knew. But there it had been, glooming on the display, an unknown number with an area code not from here. When it had turned out to be Midori on the other end of the line I had felt cold. What reason did she have to call? Had she found out what I had done? No, it couldn't be, not after how careful I had been. It was simply impossible.  
Still, I had gripped the phone tighter, until my knuckles had been white, visible even in the dark room. Uneasily I had listened to her request. Summoning my Element, how absurd.  
I had told her to leave me alone with such nonsense and had hung up.  
However, the question had me intrigued even if I would never admit it to Midori. On my tiptoes I had snuck to Yuki's room and had listened with my ear pressed to the door. No sound had been coming from inside, he had seemed still fast asleep. Good for him.  
I had gone back into the living room, had stood right in the middle of the dark room and had concentrated. Sure enough a buzz like electrical current had rushed through my arm and there my element had been in my hand, ready to be used.  
After Midori's question I had fully expected it, she wouldn't have called out of the blue and ask for this if the likelihood hadn't been very high. God knows, what she had done to dig up my phone number. Still a hissed breath had escaped my lips at the exhilarating feeling of gripping my Element after so many years. It had felt almost like getting a limb back that I hadn't noticed had been missing.  
To give into my curiosity had been a mistake, however. I had tried to keep up with our routine, dropping Yuki at school every morning, going to work, coming home. But now every evening the phone wouldn't stay quiet. Midori had called again and again. This woman had been nothing but stubborn. But so was I, I had never given up and I would've kept going on ignoring her calls if my little Yuki hadn't grown curious about who was trying to reach us so vehemently. Astute as he had been, he had said over dinner, that I never saw people, not even the mothers of his peers in school so who had been calling all the time?  
I had brushed him off gently, telling him somebody just had the wrong number, but I had seen the doubts on his face. The next day he had almost picked up the phone when I didn't get out of the kitchen fast enough while preparing dinner. He had looked hurt when I had snatched the phone away from his outstretched hand, but he had gone grumbling to watch the stove when I had told him so. I had locked myself in my bedroom, taking a deep breath before I had answered Midori.  
"Leave me alone, you weird woman." I had told her, but she had ignored it, just like the refusal to answer her calls.  
"By now I am sure that you can summon your Element again Shiho, otherwise you wouldn't have been ignoring me so steadfastly. I'll make this short. We need every active HiME back in Fuuka to help find out why Orphans are on the loose again. The sooner you give in and help out, the sooner you won't be bothered anymore."  
Her tone had been businesslike not taking no for an answer. I could have hung up on her once more, which would have meant unwanted calls continuing. I could get another number, move even, but given the fact Midori had found this number in the first place made the prospect look futile. I had ground my teeth, feeling backed into a corner. I had to accept it and give in.  
But I would keep Yuki out of it at all costs. None of them deserved to know of the existence of my precious little boy.  
That had been my decision when I had taken him out of school and set him in the car with me. All the way he had been asking questions and I had kept trying to evade them. He hadn't understood why he had to leave his friends behind all of a sudden and Fuuka as a place meant nothing to him.  
"You always say education is the most important thing, Mom. And that I should become smart like you, so why can't I go to school all of a sudden?" he had asked.

"It's only for a few days, honey, a few weeks at most. Don't worry about school, you're a smart boy, you'll catch up in no time."

"But where are we going?" "A former working place of your mother, she has to take of some stuff there." He kept on pestering me about the subject. "Why can't I stay with Toshi-kun and his parents, then I wouldn't even have to miss school?" I had shaken my head, feeling proud of my son. Other children his age would have been happy to miss school yet my boy didn't want to at all.  
"Can I at least call him?"  
"No!" I had snapped, not wanting anybody to know where we were right now. Seeing his scared face at my outburst, I had added more softly "We won't be long, you'll be back before you even have time to miss your friends. But I need you to be a good boy for now and follow what I say."  
He had acquiesced, he always had wanted to be a good boy. And even though he hadn't liked having to stay in the hotel room all day, he had obeyed when I asked him to stay here until I got back in the evening, as I had left him with a kiss to his soft hair. It had pained me to leave him alone all day, but it had been safer than having him on campus with me and better than leaving him with strangers. A mother did what she had to do.  
The first day things had gone smoothly, I had attended the meeting, noticing that none of them had become more competent since we had left high school, especially Sugiura-san. She still dressed in a disrespectful way insulting all serious teachers, while she ran after her youth, which had long passed and she still treated this like a big adventure straight out of an anime. Back in my teens I had found her funny, but looking back on it and looking at Sugiura now I could not understand how either Mashiro-san or Himeno-san had ever even considered hiring her.  
However, more than Sugiura and her unprofessional attitude, Mai was a thorn in my side. Of course I had not talked to her or anybody, but I had stood close enough to listen in on her conversation with Sugiura. She had gotten to get it all, the house, the beautiful babyboy and most of all Yuuichi and still she had the nerve to sit here and lamenting how she was separated from them now for this brief period. It had taken a lot of self-control not to go over and yell into her stupid face how she didn't even know the first thing about loosing somebody or worse giving up and watching them be happy with another person.  
But it was okay, I had my own little Yuuichi who loved me and only me. As soon as the meeting had been over I had snuck off campus back to him, treating him with a new toy and a fancy meal from room service.  
The second day I was put on patrol duty, making it a lot harder to not have my absence noted. At sundown Yukino came to my room, a map of the campus under her arm with markings of what she called strategical points as if this was a military operation. I nodded along to everything she said, waiting for her long-winded explanations to be over. "You know, what, this will be way quicker if we split up. You will take the west side and I will have a look around the east side." I told her.  
"But Midori said we shouldn't go on our own, it's safer to stick to the buddy-system." She had the gall to object. At least somebody had developed a bit since high school and grown a spine I noted. I brushed aside her objections nevertheless.  
"Buddy-system? What are you a kindergartner? We are HiME and so far there have only been two Orphans sighted on this campus, weak ones for that matter I might add. Don't tell me you can't even handle something like that?"  
Under my levelling gaze she bit her lip but kept quiet. Good, that meant I had her following my lead. "We will split up, it's more efficient that way and God knows I want all of this done as soon as possible." If I had learned one thing in my job it had been how to assert myself, especially against people who thought they knew better, taking down someone as meek as Yukino was no problem.  
"At least let's agree on a sign in case we find something or encounter difficulty, to let the other person know." It didn't come out as a question, it was her demand to concede to me. It impressed me a little, that she didn't totally give up,however I shrugged as I I couldn't care less. "Fine, whatever. We won't find anything anyway. Last night was quiet and the nights before too from what Midori set."  
It had gotten dark outside by the time mine and Yukino's negotiation was over.  
"Good luck, Munakata-san." She said as I was already strutting away from her. I just waved to her over my shoulder without turning. When I could be sure I was out of her sight, I left the path we had agreed upon patrolling. I needed to get out of here. Maybe I should have felt bad if something really were to happen to Yukino, but my son was more important than a woman I barely knew and my boy had been alone too long.  
I quickened my pace, nobody was around to see me and find me suspicious anyway. The fastest way to leave campus, away from prying eyes, was over a wall with convenient vegetation of twiners, easily able to sustain my slight weight. I had seen them on my way back last night from the other side of the wall. The chairwoman might think them aesthetically pleasing, but I had immediately recognised their utility. I had crossed the sports ground and was getting closer to the faculty buildings, I doubted that students might be around there at this time, but teachers or even Fumi might be, so I decided to cut through the glass dome, just in case.  
I had only just taken a breath of relief, seeing as I was getting close to my goal without having been noticed, when I suddenly felt eyes on me. Angrily I bit my lip. I had been so careful. Maybe it was nothing I told myself, continuing on, hoping for the feeling to pass. However, it didn't pass, I was being watched. Quickly I turned back, only to look over deserted campus grounds. No person was visible. Maybe I was getting paranoid. But if so, it was all Midori's fault with her stupid talk that we must fight. I had graduated, I had a life, what should I care about my old high school. I marched on, trying to only think of my son and not about a potential stalker. I had myself almost convinced I had imagined being watched when I heard a soft click behind me, like a shoe tripping a pebble or something alike. I barely caught myself from blurting out a triumphant 'Ha!' seeing as I had been right about being followed, but I couldn't let them know I was aware of their presence, not when I was so close to escaping. Luckily two building were looming in front of me and my pursuer. Without warning I dashed towards them, rounding a corner or two and summoned my element. I played a few high notes that would ensure whoever was after me would be in too much pain to continue. For good measure I continued playing until I stood right in front of the wall and was in need of both my hands.  
This time I was alright, but I needed to think about what I would do, the next time when I might not be so lucky to get paired with a pushover such as Yukino.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't know which person you were expecting to be featured in this chapter but I won't be following a strict rooster. When I thought of what I scene I wanted to tell next, Yukino was there in my head, so wrote it down even if it is a shorter chapter.

* * *

_Yukino_

* * *

When I arrived back in my room I took a deep breath. If I had said I didn't mind going on patrol basically alone I would be lying, but I had never been good at dealing with conflict and Shiho had seemed bent on escalating the situation if I had not relented. It had been obvious she had just wanted to get away from me; she was not that hard to read. Actually I highly suspected her of skipping out on her part of the campus; however I had not felt up for taking over her share of duties.

I just hoped I would paired with somebody else next time, otherwise I must find the courage to speak up and talk to Midori about it. I sighed as I switched on the water boiler and fetched a bag of tea from the cupboard, thinking about how Haruka wouldn't have had any trouble putting Shiho into place. In Haruka's presence she wouldn't have come up with nonsense arguments like effectiveness. It was obvious to both of us that the safety of our limited number should be prioritized over getting patrols done fast. I tried reminding myself that even Haruka had her moments of softness and insecurity, I had witnessed them more than once, but thinking of her softer side, the moments she wasn't brash and stubborn always without fail brought back memories of the night she had showed up on my doorstep.

I shook my head, it was bad enough that everything around school reminded me of her, but I could not let myself reminiscence of that night. Not when I still could recall eerie instant of it in minute detail.  
The water was hot and I poured it into the cup before relocating to the table where my laptop was sitting. Although it was already late, Miu was still online and soon as my icon turned green the chat window popped up. Instead of replying I fished for my headphones and pressed the call button.  
"Hi," I said softly when she answered.  
"Hey, how are you? You sound tired." She immediately said, even though I had not said more than one word. I smiled, wondering how I had deserved such an attentive girlfriend. "It was a long day, but I'm fine."

"Are you sure, nothing attacked, did it?" "No, nothing happened, apart from Munakata-san insisting on splitting up and most likely skipping out on her duty."  
Miu gave a growl of disgust when I told her about Shiho's behaviour, saying she didn't like her even though she had never met her. Before I had packed my bag for Fuuka, I had told Miu the whole story about my extraordinary high school experience, had summoned my element in our living room and described Diana to her.  
I had been so afraid about telling her, afraid she might freak out, leave or hate me, but she had taken it all in stride, better than I could have hoped in my wildest dreams. During the last carnival I had seen first hand how bad keeping secrets from your loved ones could turn out, it had gotten Haruka killed, even it hadn't been permanent and I had vowed to myself to do better this time around.

I remembered fondly how Miu had tentatively touched my element as I told her about how scared I had been during patrol earlier, checking around each corner twice with my mirrors before I walked around it. "Good for you, better stay save that way. I want you back in one piece."  
She had put her fingers to it so slowly as if they might bite her, or burn her. I didn't know what she had expected. When I had shown her images a soft "wow" had escaped her lips. "This is amazing Yukino." She had declared with wonder.

I had thought that once too, before the carnival had started in earnest and I learned the price. I had not wasted time letting Miu marvel at the wonder of it all, immediately I had told her about how we had to fight to the last one standing, only for this HiME to become the puppet of the Obsidian Prince, in theory. Upon hearing how we had all lost our most precious person, she had paled and regarded my element with a much more sceptical look. Thankfully she had not asked who had died when I had lost my child, whether she didn't want me to bring up this hurtful memory or because she herself didn't want to know, I was not sure to this day but I suspected both reasons had played a part.  
"It's much harder being the one left behind than actually dying yourself isn't?" Was all Miu had said on the matter and I had nodded and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "We found a way last time to revive everybody, so if we stick together as a team I am sure we can find a way without anybody making sacrifices this time too." My voice had been the tiniest bit shaky when I had proclaimed it, however deep down I believed it.

Last time, things only had gotten worse when we had been forced to fight each other, if we could avoid being put onto the spot like this again and work as a united force, I believed we could do it.  
Come to think of it, it was another lesson I had learned from Haruka, she had always told me that without the rest of the people on her executive committee she could work her ass off all day and not get anywhere.

"I hope we will soon find out the cause of the Orphans returning, at least Midori-san and Mai-san seem committed to get to the root and I guess Kuga-san and Fujino will help too as much as they can even if they don't seem enthusiastic about it. And Himeno-san is providing all the help she can to us. Only Munakata-san appears to be unreasonable and not interested in helping." I sighed.

Miu's face showed concern. "Are you sure you don't want me to come? I can take some time off of work without trouble and be there tomorrow afternoon."  
I smiled at the screen, wishing she really was here beside me, so that I might embrace her for being so brave but I shook my head, watching how the little window on the screen showed me my motion delayed and jerky. "No, it's alright. You know how much even the offer means to me Miu, but I couldn't bear the prospect of you getting in trouble or getting hurt because of this HiME stuff."

"I just want to contribute in some way," she sighed. "Sitting around, waiting is not my thing."  
This was true. While I had still been mulling over the best way to ask her out or if I might even have a chance with her, Miu had simply come by my work during lunch break one day and asked me out, because, to quote her "it might take me forever to make a move". Nevertheless she had told me on many occasions that she valued my deliberate nature.  
"Just knowing I can come online in the evening and being able to talk to you helps already." I told her.  
"I'm glad," she replied softly and I could see her love shining through concern. "If you change your mind about needing me in Fuuka, tell me anytime. If Munakata is uncooperative, I'm confident I can at least do more than her."

I couldn't help a grin slipping on my face at the thought of Miu replacing Shiho. She might actually be more useful and I knew she would get along splendidly with Mai and Midori for sure. Miu never failed to raise my spirits. "I will. Now tell me about what I'm missing in the real world. How is your life, what's going on at work?"  
I asked. We had spent enough of our conversation on the depressing side of things, now I craved normal talk, like we would if we had met up for dinner only with the difference that we could not fall asleep together afterwards. Miu must have felt the same and she told me about her daily going ons and the latest stories from the lives of her regulars. By the time we bid each other good night, the queasy feeling that had crept upon my while outside had vanished.


	9. Chapter 9

 

* * *

_Natsuki_

* * *

When I awoke the first morning back on campus, it took a while for me to get out of bed. Although I had retired early the night before I had slept decidedly bad. Every other hour I had woken up, turned and tried to fall asleep again. Sleep had come each time but it had been a light one, filled with weird dreams and scenes from our past on the campus in high school. It was a relief getting up and focusing on fixing breakfast.

There was no meeting scheduled for today, leaving me to wander the campus idly. I tried to find Midori, however her office was empty and when I checked at the infirmary I didn't see here in there. If she wasn't hiding in one of the beds behind the curtain at least. Asking Youko I refrained from doing, I never had been close to her, only knowing her as a friend of Midori. Most likely Midori would have had the same thing to say as yesterday, if there had been a breakthrough, she would have called a meeting at once.  
It was decidedly weird walking the familiar paths among students but not being one of them, not blending in with a uniform. Instead of the skirts and blazers like the girls around me, I wore black jeans and a T-shirt and I felt like all of them were gazing at me. And everything seemed so normal. If I didn't believe Midori there would be no sign of any trouble here.  
Eventually I just headed back to my room, better becoming paranoid there than glaring at every student until they averted their eyes in fear.

"Say bye to aunt Natsuki'" Mai prompted her son who was smiling at us from the screen of Mai's laptop.  
"Bye bye Natsuki-baachan," he crooned, waving both his hands enthusiastically at the screen. I chuckled, waving back. "bye, little guy. Give your daddy hell from me." I said to earn a protesting shout of "Hey!" from said daddy who was holding Yuto on his lap. Mai laughed but admonished me before the kid got any ideas. "Don't listen to her Yuto, you be nice to your father. Love you my little one."  
Yuto on the other side kissed his palm and pressed it against the screen, luckily not directly over the camera but we could still see Yuuichi reaching over his son's shoulder to wipe the screen with his sleeve. After Yuto had said his goodbyes, Yuuichi set him down, telling him to go play before turning to us again.  
"I had hoped you would have more news to tell," he sighed. "Relax, it is only the second day and at least it's not worse." Mai replied and I elbowed her in the ribs lightly. "I'm the cynical one her, you're supposed to say how great everything is going," I mockingly told her.  
Yuuichi laughed. "Guess you're right. Anyway I should start preparing dinner." My eyebrows rose at that, I never knew he could cook but this didn't sound like the preparation for instant noodles.  
"Natsuki, watch out for my wife." I mock-saluted him. "Mai, I'll call you again tomorrow. I love you."  
"I love you too." They both looked at each other for a moment in silence.  
"alight, take care, both of you." He said, then the window with his face went black. Mai shut the laptop down and took a deep breath. I was afraid she might start to cry by the way her eyes shimmered already.

Without even thinking I hugged her, feeling her accept the hug gratefully. She had told me last night already that she couldn't have anticipated just how much she would miss her family. It was the first time ever since their son was borne that she left him for longer than a day.  
While I had never experienced the same situation and most likely never would, I imagined it to be painful. At least Mai was secure in the knowledge that the separation was only temporary.  
"Better?" I asked when Mai pulled out of my arms. She nodded. "thanks for being here Natsuki, and thanks for talking to Yuto. I think he liked seeing you."  
"Anytime, you know I adore the kid." It was true. Never in a hundred years would I have thought I could handle children, especially small ones but Mai was one of the few constants in my life, so of course I was there at her bedside the day after she had given birth and even though I had been disgusted the first time Mai had asked me to change Yuto's nappy I had done it. Granted it might have mostly been because Tate had said it wasn't hard and offered to show me, I couldn't let myself be bested by this buffoon, even it was only at changing a babies nappy.

Anyway, Yuto grew on me, he was a cheerful kid, very bright despite his father's genes and he actually took to me. I think it must have been when he took his first steps, that I had known this kid to be part of my family of sorts now. I had visited Mai on a weekend for coffee and when I had come into the living room Yuto had seen me and pulled himself up, walking a few tiny steps towards me. Mai had burst into tears spontaneously, then cursed that she hadn't had a camera ready and I had picked the little guy up and hugged him as tight as I could without fear of hurting him.

"You'll be back to cooking for your guys and cleaning up after them in no time," I joked, earning another soft shove form Mai. I let myself fall over on the next cushion.  
"did you hear anything from Midori?" I asked. She had not been around since the initial meeting yesterday morning. Last night I had been to agitated after running into Shizuru to waste a thought on it, but not seeing Midori with her usual energy bustling around today was something that didn't escape my notice. However, Mai shook her head. "She told me this morning when I ran into her that she put Yukino and Shiho down for patrol tonight and that she planned on setting you up with Fujino for tomorrow. Other than that she was rather tight lipped, saying she'd be going through the books again."  
I scrunched up my nose, ignoring the way my stomach churned at the mention of going on patrol with Shizuru, this really wasn't the Midori I remembered. "Should we be worried about her? This is not the way I remember her."  
"I don't think so, maybe the years of teaching calmed her down. I bet you as soon as she has a lead, she'll be the first in line to go after it." Mai assured me. I wasn't convinced, something had stricken me as off but then again, Mai was better at knowing people and she had talked with Midori yesterday whereas I hadn't.I pulled myself up in a standing position and walked over to the little kitchenette, grabbing the water boiler and offering Mai a cup of tea, but she declined. She picked up her laptop and said she would get going.  
As she opened the door to leave, she called me over.

"What's wrong?" I wanted to know as I put the pack of teabags down.  
Mai held up a with envelope. "It was taped to your door."  
Immediately I was next to her, almost tearing the envelope from her hands, turning it over. There was nothing written on either side, so I pulled out the piece of paper from the inside. I didn't even need to read the words, one look at this handwriting and I knew the sender, I would always recognise Shizuru's elegant style. Maybe I paled, maybe not, however Mai immediately looked worried and tried to peer at the letter in my hand. "Are you okay, who send this?"  
Quickly I slipped it back into the envelope, whatever the content it was not for Mai's eyes and I guessed I would like solitude to read it. "It's nothing to worry about, Mai. Just a private note." I tried to ease her concerns.

It must have been the wrong thing to say for her eyebrow immediately shot up. "Is it from Shizuru?"  
"Maybe," I averted my eyes. For as much as I loved Mai, she was the last person I wanted to talk to about Shizuru right now. I didn't even know if I wanted her to talk me out off thinking about Shizuru again or in to it. I needed space to make up my mind, that, and time to think it through.  
"What did she write?" Mai tried to peek again, even though the paper was folded closed.  
"I don't know, I didn't read it yet!" I snapped, then mumbled a "sorry" when I saw Mai looking hurt. Luckily for me however at least she seemed to get it and opened the door again.  
"If you want to talk later, I'll be in my room." She offered and left.

I went back to finishing the cup of tea I had started before I picked the letter up again and pulled it out of its envelope. Slowly I read it through. It wasn't so much a letter as a note, stating that Shizuru regretted how our conversation had gone yesterday and if I would like to come to her room later and try talking again.  
The same anger I had felt last night came over me again as I crumpled the note up in my clenched fist. How could she ask for this?  
But deep down, I recognised this behaviour from Shizuru, she had used it with everybody back in school, everybody but me. Requesting things in a breezy tone and expecting them to be done, and usually her expectations were fulfilled. Being treated like everybody else by her had me seething.

In an effort to not smash the teacup by throwing it against the nearest wall I gripped it tighter in my hand, disregarding how the heat stung my palm. It was pathetic but I already knew I would go to her room. I was not willing to talk, but I could hear her out if she finally felt inclined to at least explain why she left me all those years ago instead of bullshitting around as she had last night. She still pulled me in as a planet would catch a comet and force it to become its moon.  
I had expected many things on how paying Shizuru a visit might turn out, but having Nao open the door when I knocked was nowhere on my list.  
She gave me a sickly sweet smile as she opened the door. "Hello Kuga," she said.  
"What the hell are you doing here, Nao?" I hissed at her, not bothering with any honorifics.

Then she went and dropped the bomb on me that Shizuru had been living with her, for a long time or so she claimed. I wanted to pay her words no mind, ignore them and write them off as her trying to annoy me, but when Shizuru came into sight, confirming Nao's claims I felt as if the floor had been pulled out under me.  
I had been thinking of Shizuru every day, wondering what I did wrong to make her abandon me, whether she was alright and here she was, cozying up with Nao of all the people.  
It didn't matter that Shizuru send her out for the moment. I was shocked, enough that Nao's sexual insinuations only dimly registered in my brain.  
The main part of me was fighting a battle of storming out immediately or staying and lashing out at Shizuru.

Shizuru, who stood in the middle of the living room, looking like Venus emerging from her shell. She had put on a tight burgundy dress, which made it barely down to her knees, her hair was glossy and wavy and I was sure she had put in an extra wave but most of all the bold make-up she had put on drew me in. This was not the look she had kept after high school, were her colours had been light, pastel even, no, this Shizuru had put on heavy smoky eyes and lipstick almost as dark as her dress.  
Even though I was all sorts of angry with her, at summoning me, at finding Nao here, at all that had happened, I couldn't avert my eyes from here. She was still so beautiful, she took my breath away.

"You're welcome to take a seat Natsuki." she said, in that breezy voice of hers that I had realised I despised hearing it directed at me.  
I didn't move and she just kept on, walking over to the cabinets. "Would you like some tea, or maybe coffee?"  
"Stop it, Shizuru," I croaked, only barely forcing the voice out of my throat, past the urge to simply scream.  
Finally she looked at me and I could see a hint of apprehension lingering in her eyes besides the blasé mask she had put on. However she still kept her tone light. "Stop what, Natsuki?"  
"Stop acting like everything is fine." I took a deep breath to keep my voice steady. "Just tell me what you want."  
Her hand sank down from reaching for the cabinet, she turned halfway to me, leaning her hip against the counter. "I told you what I want in my letter, I simply would like to talk to you."  
I shook my head. "I don't believe you."  
Shizuru pursed her lips. "Why not? I can't be more than honest with you."  
"You want to be honest with me?" I hissed, "Fine, then tell me honestly what is going on with you and Nao, since you wouldn't answer any of my other questions last night."  
I saw her eyes flash at the mention of Nao, though I couldn't tell what the flash meant, but Shizuru's next words were evasive. "Why don't we sit down, Natsuki. This is not a comfortable atmosphere with you standing more or less in the doorway still."

My feet wanted to move towards her, hell, I wanted to hug her just for knowing she was well and here. It was pathetic how glad part of me was about having her in my life again, despite all the anger I still felt. But I had to remain steadfast, so I grounded my heel firmly on the floor, not moving. "Answer me Shizuru and quit the avoidance tactics. Is she living with you?"  
"Yes, I already confirmed that, didn't I." Just as I had made a show of remaining standing, she made a deliberate move to the couch, sitting down and elegantly crossing her legs.  
"Why?" It came out sounding way more desperate than I would have liked it, but I just didn't understand. How could Shizuru leave me after claiming she loved me only for her to end up living with Nao of all people. Nao, who had bore Shizuru blind hatred in the Carnival and who seemed indifferent to all the HiME in the aftermath. It made no sense.

I was watching Shizuru closely, hoping her body language might give anything away. She bit her lip, thinking of what she wanted to let me know, whether I would believe her words. "There was no particular reason. It just kind of happened." was what she ended up saying. She had said she wanted to talk, but she wasn't saying anything. My mouth was dry and I swallowed hard, but I had to know. "Is Nao your girlfriend?"  
Her mouth turned to a hard line and she gave up her pose on the couch, coming towards me.  
"Would you care if she were?"

Shizuru turned the tables on me. The answer was yes, of course, I'd care because it would mean that I had been replaceable to everybody in my life, from my mother to the woman who had claimed to love me. But I'd be damned if I told her that know, Shizuru of all people ought to know me that well.  
"Just answer, for once!" I commanded her.  
She came another step closer, being right in front of me. I could almost touch her. "Fine," she said it like I was a petulant child she was indulging. "I live with her and I sleep with her, but she is not my girlfriend."

I felt bile rising in my throat. Nao's comment about Shizuru liked it rough I could dismiss, but hearing Shizuru confirm that they slept together was on another level. A flood of unbidden images attacked me, that I tried to fight of. Shizuru came half a step closer still. I could smell her perfume now and when I turned my eyes down, away from her unreadable face, they came to land on her chest. My breath hitched ever so slightly, but she caught  
She raised her hand, gently cupping my cheek. "You know you were the only person I ever cared about," she said sounding not breezy for once. "That has not changed, Natsuki." Her thumb was stroking my cheek and I felt sick. The anger I had held under control so far, pierced through my armour of ice, making me slap her hand away violently.  
"Don't touch me!" I snarled and Shizuru flinched as if I had physically punched her instead of only slapping her hand away. My cheek burnt were her hand had been, my skin firing up with the memories of all the times Shizuru had previously touched me.  
I was shaking, from fury as much as repressed longing. I wanted to believe her words, but they made no sense.

"Natsuki," she sounded defeated and pleading at the same time. "How can I make you trust me?"  
"How about you trust me for a change and give me the real reasons on why you left?" I spit out. I needed to know, if only to have peace. "Don't give me those bullcrap explanations like yesterday."  
Her eyes turned sad as she shook her head. "I told you the truth yesterday about that. I did it to protect you." She hesitated, then conceded. "And myself. But I can't say more than that."

"Protect us from what?" I demanded to know. Had there been repercussions from what she did at First District, had her family some hold over her? If she felt the need to protect both of us, why wouldn't she let me in on it. Shizuru shook her head again. "Please Natsuki, I can't say more."  
"But I could've helped, I could still help, if you just tell me what's going on." Mentally I kicked myself fro offering help to this women after what she had put me through, yet I couldn't not do it.  
"You couldn't, Natsuki, but thank you," her voice was fraying around the edges and when I finally looked up into her face again, I saw tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.

The sight tucked directly at my heartstrings. I could be angry with her, hurt by her, furious about casting me aside yet I still couldn't bear to see her in pain.  
In spite of everything that had happened between us since we had met again, I reached out for her, put my hands on her bare shoulders and was shocked how cold her skin was beneath my fingers. I pulled her into an embrace, which I might have craved and needed more than Shizuru did. Her breath chocked when I pulled her into me but I felt her place her hands hesitantly on my hips, interlacing her fingers on the small of my back.  
Holding Shizuru, being held by her felt like coming home. Her body fit to mine as if she had never left my side.

"My Natsuki," she whispered next to my ear, making my shiver. With her in my arms I could almost forget about her and Nao, about being cast aside. Almost.  
Slowly I pulled back, feeling Shizuru's hands fall off me immediately. She was not close to tears anymore, she looked cautiously happy actually, while I myself had a sudden jumble of emotions in my chest. When I looked at her I found myself wanting to kiss her.  
The feeling was familiar, I had felt it often before. But I was never sure what kissing Shizuru would entail, if I could give her what she wanted, a real relationship or if I might fail at trying, breaking her heart in the process. I had made me repress the urge, telling myself I would wait until I was sure, when I still had lived with the delusion she'd always be with me.

Now I was sure I wanted to kiss her, but I also knew I would end up breaking my own heart if I did. Gently pushing her away hurt nearly as much  
"I can't do this, no like this. If you ever decide to tell me the whole story you know where I am."  
I didn't dare look at her face, or at anything. Clenching my eyes shut, I turned around, opened the door and left before my desires might betray me.


End file.
